-by Sidra Jafri
Everyone dreams of a perfect relationship. Most of us spent our life in the hope of finding our perfect partner who will love us and fulfill all our heart’s desires. It seems that only some of us are ‘lucky’ enough to meet our perfect partners whilst the rest end up in conflicts, misunderstandings and heartbreaks.
As a researcher of human life, I have always been fascinated with people’s reactions to events and want to understand what makes people react completely differently to the exact same event.
The truth is that it’s not our external situations that cause us to react how we do, but rather these reactions are based on a hidden rule book that serves as a reference point to allocate a meaning to that event. For example if your partner forgets to call you to say they will be late from work, your reaction to that event will be determined by the meaning you have associated to that act. The meaning is written in your hidden rulebook, whether the book says ‘he/she forgot to call: this means you are not important to them: you will be upset at the situation’ or ‘he/she forgot to call: this means they must be very busy: you will start to feel compassion for your partner and might wonder if they have eaten or not”
Each time an event takes place, we automatically refer to this rulebook to determine whether we should be happy or upset.
So, what is this hidden rulebook and where does it come from?
This hidden rulebook is mostly written by our parents, religion, culture and society and has very little to our own first hand personal experience of life. This hidden rulebook dictates how we live, how much money we will earn to whom we will pick as our partners. The book contains information about relationships that are based on what society believes about it. These mass beliefs are called myths. Believing in the beliefs of society is the number one reason why people are lonely or go through massive relationship issues. Unless we do not erase these myths from our hidden rulebook, we can’t manifest our perfect partner. Even if we manage to do it, the beliefs in the book will make sure that we end up feeling miserable in the relationship.
In my experience of working with people for almost a decade, I have found some common myths that are the reason for the blockages in people’s relationship. Most people believe in these beliefs without even knowing that they do. The good news is that once you identify these beliefs, you see how you have been responding to your relationships based on these. You will then have a choice to change these beliefs and create new ones that will ensure a long lasting and loving relationship.
Following are the most common myths and ways to debunk these and create space to manifest loving relationship.
My partner will complete me
The source of this comes from the universal belief, ‘I am not enough’ where most people grow up not feeling good enough as society has a certain bench mark (high scores, looks, performance etc.) which most of us will not meet.
This feeling of lack makes us go on a search for someone who will complete us so that we can feel good about ourselves. We end up feeling disappointed and hurt because no one can complete us.
Dissolving this myth
In order to unhook yourself from this myth, you have to start doing the things for yourself that you were waiting for others to do with you or for you. Now is the time to start focusing on filling your own cup. We can’t give to others that which we can’t give to ourselves.
Daily practice: To change the old belief and adopt a new belief that says ‘I am enough. I matter. I am just as important as anybody else’ you have to start by doing little things for yourself every day. It could be something as simple as taking a walk or reading a book that you wanted to read to booking a spa or a course that you feel will develop you as a person.
I am looking for my soul mate
Society has programmed us to think that there’s only one person made for us. This notion is perpetuated by the media through romantic movies, novels and with song lyrics like, ‘you are the only one for me’ or ‘I’ll never find someone like you’.
In order to debunk this myth, let’s take a quick lesson in science. Physics tells us everything is energy. By taking a different point of view, we can easily conclude that since energy cannot be destroyed, it not only changes form but also contains information, which is why we are able to communicate through wireless phones and have electro magnetic waves that are the thread that holds the universe. This also means that our cells contain all the information that has happened before this body and we still have all the information intact from our other bodies. When we connect with another body or spirit we recognise from before, we call them ‘our soulmate.’ This could be anybody, your son, daughter, sister, mother, it could even be your co-worker, or your friend.
So the idea of ‘the one for me’ is non-existent and keeps us in a perpetual cycle of unhappiness and in search.
Dissolving this myth
To dissolve this myth it is important to know that your soul mate comes in many shapes and form and each person in your life is your soulmate because at some level your energy connects with theirs. If this wasn’t the case, they wouldn’t be in your life right now, purely due to the law of physics, that suggests you can only attract the vibration at which you are resonating.
Each day spend some time to dissolve the conflicts that you might be facing in your current relationships.
I have found the following process, one of the most effective and profound ways to dissolve the interference that has been created due the belief in the above myth.
Take few deep breaths in becoming fully present in your body and imagine the person you are challenged by in your mind’s eye.Place all your attention on them and say:
Just like me, you are seeking happiness in your life. May you receive happiness. Just like me, you have known sadness, loneliness and despair. May you receive pure love. Just like me, you are learning about life. May you receive the wisdom that your soul is asking for. Thank you.
Doing this process everyday will cultivate the new belief that ‘we are all spiritual being having a human experience’ which will dissolve the need to keep searching for ‘the one’ and will allow you to embrace the ones who love you right now.
There is someone better out there for me
This myth is the biggest source of divorce because those who are plugged into this belief keep looking for their ideal partners with reference to the images in their heads. They’re in 2 different relationships: one with their actual partner in front of them and the second with the perfect partner in their mind who is far more perfect than the one in front. The partner in the mind is a product based on the hidden rulebook. Your current partner is the result of your frequency. So no matter how your relationship looks like at the moment, I want you to know that it’s the perfect one for you, otherwise it wouldn’t have existed. You might say, ‘no this can’t be the perfect relationship because I’m in an abusive or a very challenging one where I am threatened constantly’. Each relationship has a unique purpose and we are in that relationship for a reason. There is something that relationship is teaching us and because we are hooked on the above belief, we are unable to see the truth of our perfect relationship.
Dissolving this myth
First you need to dissolve the idea in your mind that there is someone better out there for you. If you keep living that belief, there’s no chance that you will be able to attract your perfect partner because part of you would have already left the relationship in search for another one, even before this one began.
The truth is that no matter how much your relationship fluctuates, there are reasons you came together in the first place. It might be they make you feel validated or maybe you don’t feel lonely because of them. There’s something that holds you together.
Each day make a list of 5 things that you love and appreciate about your partner. If you’re not in a relationship, then make a list of appreciation as if you are already in a relationship. By the universal law of energy, whatever you focus on, will bring more of it in your life. If you keep focusing on the drawbacks of your partner, that’s all you’ll see. No matter how many issues you have with your partner, you can always choose to see them in a different light. The little things they do. The idea is to rekindle that love which brought you together in the first place.
The myths that I mentioned above are only a few amongst many others that could potentially be creating hindrance in manifesting love in your life.
Self-awareness is the only way that will lead you to uncover more myths that are stored in your hidden rulebook. Self-awareness begins by questioning your behaviours, reactions and emotions. The more you begin to question the emotions you are experiencing in your relationship, the more you will become aware of how these emotions are not truly yours but a result of the meaning the book has given you about the given event.
When you change the meaning, you will change your relationship!
About the Author: Sidra Jafri is an intuitive healer whose gifts go beyond the five senses. She helps people to shift the issues holding them back in areas such as wealth, relationships and wellbeing. The personal trauma of leaving her arranged marriage inspired her to develop the Principles of Awakening, nine steps that encourage healing and connection to our authentic self and potential. Sidra’s live event, ‘The Awakening – Activating the Truth of Who You Are’ has moved thousands of people to create more of what they want in their lives. www.sidrajafrilive.com
Available from Watkins Publishing